Voldemort The School Girl
by PhantomoftheKitty
Summary: Voldemort is tired of all the Death Eater betrayals, so he decides to make a new kind of army All clones of himself! When the spell goes horribly wrong, and Voldemort's personality is draastically altered, how will he deal? More importantly, how will the
1. Chapter 1

Voldemort The School Girl- Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not Own Harry Potter

Voldemort sat in a chair in Riddle Manor, ideas whirling around in his brain.

"I need something to discourage those pesky Death Eaters from betraying me. That's… how many this week? Let's see, Avery, Nott, oh, and then there was Goyle, but he died before he could really betray me. If only Lucius hadn't run off to create his own dark order… oh well, I suppose it was inevitable. Anyway, he's a weakling, so it doesn't matter. What I need is someone who will never betray me, someone bound to my every whim. I know I have Wormtail, but he's so unreliable. I've got it! Evil robots programmed to… no no no. Too Sci-Fi. People will just laugh. But what if-"

Suddenly, a smile broke out on Voldemort's face. He rubbed his hands together and cackled.

The next day, Voldemort swept back into the same room he had sat in the day before. In his left hand was a piece of parchment that read "self-cloning" at the top in big, loopy letters. Voldemort cackled and thought about his wonderful plan

'_If I just make an army of me, I'll never have to worry about my Death Eaters turning on me. In fact, I won't need Death Eaters at all!"_

He pulled out his long wand and turned it on himself. He opened his mouth and began to chant

"_Frog legs and lizard tail,_

_Skin of shark and tongue of snail._

_I call upon the powers of fear,_

_To help me- _Oh, Forget it! This'll take an hour!"

Voldemort looked down the parchment until he found it: The actual spell. Smiling, he shouted the words written there

"Separatus Personas!"

A flash filled the room. Voldemort stared as the light slowly gathered in front of him, until it was a pinpoint that glared into his eyes with the fire of the sun. Voldemort shut his eyes to block it out, and found himself drifting off.

'_Sleep? I don't need sleep… I haven't slept in…'_

Soon, Voldemort was snoring in front of the fireplace, sprawled out on the floor. It was quite an unbecoming sight for the dark lord. However, no one bothered him, and he slept on, blissfully unaware of the changes that were overtaking him.

(A/N: Cliff hanger? No, not yet….)

Voldemort awoke, groggily, out in the road. Beside him sat a young boy who was rolling around with laughter in the dirt, pointing at the evil dark overlord. Voldemort gasped. He pulled out his wand.

"Oh, no!" He exclaimed. "You're all dirty!" He wrinkled his nose. "Hold on, I can fix this! _Scourgify!_" The little boy stopped and blinked as all the dirt slid off him, his messy hair lay flat on its own, and his dirty t-shirt and shorts were transformed into his Sunday best. The boy jumped about a foot in the air, and ran away screaming "MOMMMMMMYYYYYY!"

Voldemort dusted off his thin, white hands and started back towards the mansion.

(Okay, now I'm done)

A/N: how did you like? Good? Bad? Somewhere in between? Let me know! I'm uploading another chapter at the same time, so, it won't be a long wait, if there's a wait at all. This is a good story to teach about why you should always do EVERYTHING in a spell. The next chapter gets worse, believe me.


	2. Chapter 2

Wormtail stood outside the Dark Lord's lair, holding a plate of food, with a goblet of snake venom, and shivering. He tentatively raised one thin arm and knocked on the door. There was no answer. He knocked again, louder.

"What?" said a voice behind him. Wormtail jumped and the tray went flying.

"Your dinner is ready…" Wormtail muttered, and turned around. Voldemort smiled and waved.

"Hey, there, Wormtail! How's it going?"

Wormtail stopped staring at the ground and looked up at the not-so-dark lord. His eyes ran over the length of his master's cloak and he giggled nervously. Sewn all over the cloak were the kind of patches you would find on a 6-year-old girl's clothes, flowers, butterflies, suns with happy faces, that sort of thing. There was even a patch that said "Jesus Loves You." On top of that, well, it was hard to tell in the dark, but it seemed that Voldemort's cloak had turned a shade of lavender-purple. It looked like Voldemort had taken a quick trip to loony town.

"When did you change?" muttered Wormtail.

Voldemort looked at him for a second and then laughed. "Oh you silly! I've been wearing this all day! It's much better than those ugly black cloaks, don't you think?" Wormtail nodded apprehensively. "C'mon, Wormtail, let's go to the park! I told Bellatrix to meet us there at three! Hurry up or we'll be late!"

Ten minutes later, they arrived at the park, by the swings. Bellatrix was already there, and when they approached, she seemed just as stupefied as Wormtail did over Voldemort's new cloak.

"Hey, girlfriend!" shouted Voldemort, waving happily at Bellatrix.

Bellatrix looked as though she had never been more offended in her life she sidled over to Voldemort and hissed "What ARE you doing! Do you want to lose every ounce of respect you've ever had? My lord, is this some sort of new plan?"

Voldemort giggled "Oh, please, call me Voldy! 'My Lord' is just too formal for best friends like us!" "Voldy" squeezed Bellatrix to his side and beckoned Wormtail over. Wormtail shook his head and started to back away. Voldy giggled and dragged them both over to the swing set.

"C'mon, you guys! Let's swing!"

Wormtail and Bellatrix both refused to go anywhere near the set, but Voldy jumped onto the first swing he saw and joyfully flew through the air. He jumped off when it flew up high, and shrieked with delight as he soared off the swing and onto the ground.

"HEY! You big fat meanie!" Voldy looked around for the source of the voice. Sitting beside him was the same boy who he'd cleaned up earlier.

"Oh my good golly gosh! What's wrong, sweet one?" Voldy asked in a sing-song voice.

"You're a freak! And you sat on my sand-castle, you idiot!"

"Goodness gracious me! This is awful! Here, have a lollypop! And a blue teddy-bear! And a model train!" Voldy had whipped out his wand and was busily conjuring up everything he could think of to replace the sand-castle. The little boy picked up the items, stuffed the lollypop in his mouth and walked off. Voldy smiled after the little boy and waved. Five seconds later, every child on the playground had run up to Voldy and was asking for toys and candy. Voldy conjured up a large pile of toys and candy, and blew the children a kiss before leaving with his followers. Bellatrix smacked herself in the forehead when she saw the goofy smile on Voldy's face. As they reached the mansion again, she whipped around and grabbed him by the shoulders.

"Okay, listen! Apparently you have forgotten how to be evil, so I've got to teach you how to again, with Wormtail's help. We were talking about this- this- ailment while you were handing out kittens and gumballs to those kids back there. So, tomorrow morning, we're starting your "Evil Lessons." Got it?"

"'Evil lessons?'" Voldy thought about it. "Sounds… COOL! Do they have butterflies and happy unicorns in them?" He asked hopefully.

"NO!" Bellatrix snapped. "No butterflies OR unicorns, unless you want to drink their blood!"

"Oh…" Voldy traced patterns on the ground with his toe. "I'm sure they'll still be lots of fun though!"

Bellatrix growled and stalked off. Wormtail glanced at Voldy, then sped up to catch up with Bellatrix. Voldy smiled, shrugged, and ran off to try to play tag with them.

A/N: Yay! The end of another chapter! Voldem- I mean Voldy is completely insane! YAY! Kinda like me, except only more so! Next chapter will probably be the last, so it's pretty quick reading. And, I'm writing that right now! Please Review!


	3. Chapter 3

"Okay, tell me what you would do if you… saw a flower growing on your lawn?" asked Bellatrix. It was only the second day of Voldy's evil lessons, and he was already failing.

"Ooh ooh! I know! I'd go catch a butterfly to put on it so it would be even more beautiful!" Answered Voldy.

Bellatrix smacked her head again. It was becoming quite a habit lately. Two days ago, something had happened to her beloved Master that caused him to have the mentality of an elementary school-girl. She and Wormtail had cast several spells on him, but to no avail. If anything, "Voldy," as he called himself, had gotten even more flamboyant. Finally, they had decided to try and teach Voldy to be evil again; however, this plan was not working out too well.

Bellatrix grabbed Voldy's hand and dragged him out to the street. There, they found Wormtail dressed up like an old lady, walker and all. He was standing by the curb, apparently attempting to cross the street. Voldy's eyes lit up and he rushed over to Wormtail and took his arm.

"No, no, no!" shouted Bellatrix. She grabbed Voldy's arm and pulled him away. She thrust his wand into his hand and guided it until it was pointing towards Wormtail.

"Now, shout _Crucio_!" shrieked Bellatrix at the happy-go-lucky man beside her

"But- that would _hurt_ him!" faltered Voldy.

"Just DO IT!"

Voldy raised his wand and muttered, "_Crucio._" Wormtail leapt back in pain as his toes started to sting. Bellatrix sighed.

"This- IS- **_HOPELESS!_**" she screamed. "Let's go, Wormtail, maybe we can find some clue as to what he was working on."

"Wait, don't go! I can be evil! I just need to- ooooh, a beeeeeeauuuuuuutiful butterfly! Awwww…" said Voldy as the other two disappeared into the mansion behind him.

Wormtail and Bellatrix sat down in Voldy's private study and started to shuffle through his papers. After an hour of searching and turning up nothing, they decided to give up. As they were passing by the fire, however, Wormtail noticed something.

"Hey, Bellatrix! Look at this!"

Bellatrix walked over to where Wormtail was standing and looked at the piece of parchment in his hands. It read _"Self-Cloning."_

"Self- cloning? Why would he need- never mind. I don't want to ask." said Bellatrix as she examined the parchment. "Aha! Here it is. It says that if you fail to read the chant before you perform the spell, you are more than 90 percent likely to take someone else's personality. It also says that _your _personality will go to the person who gave you theirs!" Bellatrix shuddered "I'd hate to think who got the Dark Lord's personality.."

_somewhere in Australia, a 13 year-old girl blows up a sheep…_

"Voldy! Ooooh Voldy! I have a horri- I mean nice little butterfly for you!" Shouted Wormtail

Voldy raced around the corner "Where? Where? Hey… I don't see any butterfly."

"_Separatus Personas!_" Shouted Bellatrix

Voldy blinked as a light engulfed him. When the light cleared, he was wearing a baggy sweatshirt, torn-up jeans, and a huge medallion around his neck.

"Yo, yo, yo! What up in da hood, yo? Fa sho." Bellatrix and Wormtail stared at Voldy, who was acting, if anything, stranger than before.

"Oookay… I don't think that's what we're looking for," said Wormtail, wearing a frown on his face.

"Hey, I am DJ Voldy, yo." Said DJ Voldy.

"No, definitely not. Let's try again," Responded Bellatrix

"No, don't do that, Yo! I'm not-" DJ Voldy was cut off by another flash of light. When that light cleared, DJ Voldy was wearing a floral dress with a lace collar and cuffs. When he saw the two, he broke out into a smile.

"Oh, hello there little ones. How 'bout giving your old Gramma Voldiekins a hug?" Gramma Voldiekins walked towards them with open arms before giving them a back breaking hug. When he let go, he was holding a plate of cookies and two homemade sweaters.

"Look what I made for the visit of my two favorite grand-kids!" Gramma Voldiekins stuffed a cookie into each of their mouths and yanked the sweaters over Bellatrix and Wormtail's heads, A puce on for Bellatrix, and a hummus brown one for Wormtail.

"umm… Thanks, Gramma, but no thanks." Bellatrix whipped her wand back out and shouted, "_Separatus Personas!"_

Another flash of light filled the room, and when it stopped, Gramma Voldiekins was gone, and instead Voldemort was back, wearing his usual black cloak. He shook his head and looked at the two of them.

"You haven't betrayed me too, have you?" he asked tentatively.

"No, but if you don't start reading the fine print, we're going to, My lord." Said Bellatrix with disdain in her voice.

"What happened?" Asked Voldemort.

"Oh, nothing. You went crazy, got the personality of a schoolgirl, went around giving candy and toys to every child in town." Said Bellatrix, staring at her fingernails

"I _WHAT!_" screamed Voldemort. Wormtail giggled.

"What did you say?" Asked Bellatrix, turning on him.

"Oh, nothing.," Wormtail ran his hand through his hair. "But doesn't my new hairstyle look marvelous?"

A/N: YAY! It's the end of my shortest (completed) story yet! Please Review! If you've read this before, you may realize that some things have changed a little. Just trying to make things make sense.

P.S. A sequel is in the works for this… stay tuned!


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